5 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Love


It is within our power to decide who we want to be in our relationship and to act accordingly, regardless of our partner’s actions. Learning to love is a subject I will further explore in my upcoming eCourse, “Creating Your Ideal Relationship: How to Find and Achieve the Love You Say You Want.” Here are some crucial actions we can take to start breaking down the barriers inside ourselves that push love away:

Look at Your History

As we explore the ways we defend against love, it’s helpful to examine our past, especially in our current or recent relationships. Identify stumbling blocks and reflect on where the relationship went wrong if it has ended. Consider recurring issues and examine how you might be pushing or have pushed love away.

Stop Listening to Your Inner Critic

Try to recognize that little voice in your head that gives you messages like, “He doesn’t really love you. Don’t be a fool. Get moving before he really hurts you.” Consider how this critical inner voice guides you to avoid feeling intimate or vulnerable, such as saying, “She is just manipulating you.”

Challenge Your Defenses

It’s easy to return to those familiar activities that provide comfort and isolation. Even though they might leave us feeling lonely, unfulfilled, or closed off to love, we retreat to our defenses like a heavy blanket shielding us from the world. Our defenses, despite their allure, are not our friends. They are there to prevent us from achieving our goals.

Feel Your Feelings

We’re all familiar with the expression, “Love makes us feel alive,” and it’s one cliché that’s entirely true. Love enhances our capacity for joy, passion, and vitality. However, it also makes us more susceptible to pain and loss. Falling in love can remind us of previous hurts and awaken us to existential realities. Unfortunately, we can’t selectively numb our feelings.

Be Vulnerable and Open

So many of us live in fear of being vulnerable. From an early age, we are told to be smart and toughen up. The dating world accepts, even promotes, a culture of game-playing: don’t call her for at least three days, don’t say “I love you” first, don’t tell him how you feel, and don’t let her see how much you like her. However, being vulnerable is a mark of strength, not weakness.

This post was written by a professional at Valenti Matchmaking. Valenti Matchmaking offers discreet personal international matchmaking service as well as all levels of personal, one to one relationship coaching for a select, worldwide clientele of unapologetically selective single, successful and attractive men and women in search of a compatible life partner.